Dr. Hess Green becomes cursed by a mysterious ancient African artifact and is overwhelmed with a newfound thirst for blood. He however is not a vampire. Soon after his transformation he enters into a dangerous romance with Ganja Hightower that questions the very nature of love, addiction, sex, and status.

In the Dzhugdzhur Mountains, Eastern Siberia, the criminal Dieter Von Cunth steals a Russian X5 nuclear warhead. Colonel James Faith travels to Rio Bamba, Ecuador, with the efficient Lieutenant Dixon Piper to summon the retired special operative MacGruber to retrieve the X5. MacGruber is considered deceased after the death of his beloved wife Casey by his archenemy Cunth in their wedding. MacGruber teams up with Piper and Vicki St. Elmo and they learn that the evil Cunth intends to use the warhead to destroy Washington D.C.

A former wrestler and his family make a living performing at small venues around the country while his kids dream of joining World Wrestling Entertainment.

Henry is a young FBI agent. During a three-year absence from his home in Shreveport, his mother Marty loses more than 100 pounds, looks great, and to Henry's embarrassment, has become a party animal. Within a day of Henry's returning home with his fiancée, Emily, who's an FBI profiler, Marty meets Tommy, a suave foreigner. He's posing as a consultant, but he's an international art thief, in town to steal "Mother and Son," a Bernini sculpture. Henry is detailed to head a team keeping his mom's new boyfriend under surveillance. Love, law enforcement, and filial devotion are set to collide.